


Guiding Light

by valentineninja



Category: Final Fantasy XIII, Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Angst, Emotional Infidelity, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 23:24:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valentineninja/pseuds/valentineninja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was the only one he found peace with. When she was around… he could breathe and think clearly once again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guiding Light

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been sitting on my laptop for a few weeks now and I have no clue why I was hesitating to finish it. I'm not quite sure if I'm happy with the end result, but I think it might be because I feel it's incomplete and I want to write more to it. So more than likely there will be a sequel... or maybe just a second chapter. Anyway, this story came from a prompt submitted to me on Tumblr and I really do want to apologize for taking so long to get it out.
> 
>  
> 
> **Prompt:**  
>  _After Snow and Lightning save Serah they start to fall apart and he goes to Light cause he sees her as family. Light is upset cause he didn't live up his promise to marry Serah but after explaining his case she starts to understand. Then magic happens._
> 
>  
> 
>  **Warnings:** SPOILERS. Nothing too major, but keep in mind this is post game and may allude to past events from LR. Also, there is some minor emotional infidelity if you want to be warned against that. I won't say anymore than that. Also, if you _have_ spoiled yourself on the ending of LR, you'll see that I made a change to where this story takes place.:)
> 
> Otherwise, please enjoy and feel free to offer any concrit. I think I need it for this short fic.

**Guiding Light**

…

Snow blinked into the warm sunlight as he walked through town. The newly built homes had multiplied in the last months, filled with families and people trying to start over. The survivors had adapted faster than he had anticipated and they were thriving. The world had been returned to normal, to the proper timeline, as if Lightning had never disappeared. Yet… his life seemed to be at a standstill. Serah was alive and healthy and had adjusted to a normal life once more, and apparently had let go of the past.

But he couldn't do it.

He didn't want to be unfair but she just didn't understand. The first time he had lost her, she had been stuck in crystal stasis, frozen in time, unaware of what had been happening to him, to her sister. Unaware of the battles for their lives, their humanity... how hard it had been to continue on. And the one person to keep him sane had been Lightning.

The second time, Serah had been dead…

Yet both times she had been returned to them, unscathed, healthy and grateful for a new chance at life. Both times Lightning had pulled him back from the darkness that had been drawing him slowly in.

It was easy for Serah to let go of most everything she had been through, but somehow it wasn't fair to compare because she hadn't gone through the same hell he and Lightning had. He had to admit that dying must have been a traumatic experience for her, but Serah had moved on, or at least it's what he assumed. It had been a really long time since he and Serah had sat down to talk in earnest.

He wondered if that was part of the rift he had felt between himself and the younger Farron. Without communication she couldn't comprehend what went on in his head; she wasn't even trying. Serah didn't understand what it was like to live every day in danger, wondering what new monsters they would have to fight, what new horrors would attack, or what it felt like to have his life flash before his eyes after every injury. Nothing compared to the feeling of despair as he watched time count down to the end of the world, knowing that he had _failed_ to save anyone.

She wasn't scarred by what she had seen and done. Serah didn't wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat in remembrance of what it felt like to be filled to the brim with chaos. She hadn't lived with five hundred years' worth of guilt.

No, Serah didn't, but _he_ did.

The nightmares weren't as frequent as they had once been, but he still had trouble sleeping through the night. He could still remember quite clearly how it felt to be manipulated by chaos, to have his thoughts tainted with rage, resentment, hate… despair. Darkness.

Those were things he could not erase from his memory so easily, but he had to remind himself every day that the chaos was gone. Serah was alive; Sazh and Dajh were well; Fang and Vanille had established a new Oerba, and… Claire was with them once again.

If there was someone who could understand what he was going through, it had to be Lightning.

She had been through her own type of hell and had lived to tell the tale… not that she actually would, though.

Snow had to admit that she was the only one he found peace with. When she was around… he could breathe and think clearly once again.

Rapping lightly on the door of her home, he waited patiently as the cool wind blew his bangs out of his eyes. The pale strands had remained long, with only the occasional cut when it became hard to see properly. Serah hadn't liked his new style, but well, he wasn't willing to cut it any shorter.

He knocked again, sighing heavily and wondered if she wasn't home.

But after a few more seconds of waiting, there was the sound of soft footsteps before the door was jerked open in annoyance.

Snow had to force his eyes to stay on her face when he realized that she was in a bathrobe, skin wet with water droplets trailing down to dangerous places… "Hey, Light," he muttered awkwardly after a moment of intense glaring on her part.

"Can I help you?" she asked, forcing herself to sound civil. She had been enjoying a nice, relaxing bath and even though she didn't hate or dislike Snow's company nowadays, she had been feeling stressed for a few days now.

"Can I come in?" he muttered, averting his gaze and waiting for the backlash from his intrusion.

She must have seen something on his face because she didn't immediately dismiss him. With a quiet sigh, she nodded and opened the door wider.

"Just… give me a few minutes. Feel free to grab anything from the kitchen," she said before turning and walking off.

Snow watched her go, eyes on her legs even as he cursed himself and shut the door. What the hell was he doing here? He asked himself over and over. No good would come from spending so much time with the woman who was supposed to become his sister-in-law.

But he couldn't really help it. Things with Serah were so different now. They were different _people_ now as well. His constant thoughts on the past, on the things he had done, hadn't allowed him to move on. He had often wondered why his memories hadn't been swept away as well. Everything would've been so much easier had they not remembered any of their journeys.

As he entered her kitchen, he decided on not taking too many liberties and set the kettle to boil water for coffee. Then he turned to lean against the counter and swept his eyes around the modest but new kitchen. He remembered that he had helped build this and many other homes that the survivors now resided in.

People had spread out and settled around the continent in different directions, all ready to rebuild and move forward.

Yet here he was, the one time hero, former Patron, and damned soul, stuck in the past and unable to look toward the future and a woman that he had tried to move heaven and hell for. Now she was there, alive and healthy, and he couldn't find it in himself to try to make her happy. She deserved so much better than what he was giving her.

He came back to himself to realize that the kettle was whistling loudly and that Lightning had returned and was frowning at him.

"Sorry," he muttered standing and retrieving two mugs.

Lightning nodded once and instead of grabbing the coffee, she went for tea. After she had fixed up their drinks, she sat across from him at the table and stared him down, willing him to start talking. But despite her patented glare, he would not budge. "What's wrong with you? You're miles away."

Snow's eyes finally met hers and he was struck by her familiar features. So similar, so different, but he really couldn't compare her to Serah. He didn't know what it was that he felt for Lightning. She was his comrade, his friend, his savior, and so many more things he didn't want to give words to. She had saved his soul when it had been on the brink of darkness. At some point in his five hundred years of life, he had made peace with the fact that he would probably never see her again. Yet it had all changed with the prophecy that he had refused to believe at first.

He had waited and waited in darkness, letting it swallow him whole, hoping for the end to come quickly. But instead of the end... the angel of death had returned.

Everything became a jumbled mess of conflicting feelings when he looked at her beautiful face. His heart kicked up in a way it had only done for Serah before, yet he had learned to shove those feelings to the very back of his mind. "I don't know where I'm supposed to stand in this world," he finally stated.

Lightning carefully sipped her tea without looking away from him. "You should stand with Serah."

He suppressed his knee-jerk reaction to shake his head. Every day that passed it felt as if he wasn't where he belonged. "I love Serah, but somehow I think that the way I feel about her has changed."

She had a bad feeling about the meaning behind his words. She had known from Serah that Snow seemed different, and her sister didn't understand why. Lightning knew though, or she at least had a suspicion as to what it was. Snow and Sazh had been the only ones to remain behind, stuck in a five hundred year old limbo. Not everyone would've remained sane through it all. And somehow the two men had seemed okay when it had all returned to normal.

She could see that it wasn't the case for Snow.

"Have you talked to her about it?" she asked, tone as gentle as she could manage.

Snow shrugged one shoulder. "She doesn't understand why I can't just leave it all behind me."

"And why can't you?" Lightning asked earnestly.

Snow's eyes seemed to chill a bit as he looked at her intensely. "How long did it take you to do it? To get over how much the gods fucked us over?" he asked, trying to keep his tone neutral.

"I see," she replied. She didn't think that she'd gotten over her past completely... not _yet_ at least. But she had been trying her best to let her friends and family be a part of her life and to continue on as best she could. Yes the gods had used them as puppets in their fight, but they had also offered them new lives; a chance to start over. "Why can't you just take all of this that you're saying to me and just say it to her?"

"You know your sister better than I do, I think. Serah tries to see the best in every situation, and in order to do that, she doesn't want to hear any of the negative. I've tried to talk to her about what happened to us both, but she just shuts me down."

Lightning wondered if Serah had learned that from her... how to avoid what she didn't want to hear. That had always been one of her most unpleasant traits, she could admit, and it looked like her sister had learned well from her. Ignoring the past had just opened up a rift between Serah and Snow.

"How much do you sleep at night?"

The question threw her a little but she had to admit that she understood why he was asking. She hadn't slept a whole night in weeks. Sometimes she awoke in a cold sweat and wondered if she had ended up stranded in a paradox, since it all seemed too good to be true. She had been afraid that any day she would wake to find that it had all been an illusion, that Serah was still dead, Snow was slowly becoming a l'Cie, and that her friends were her enemies.

Those were the nights when she was unable to return to sleep. So she sat in her bed and stared at the closet that held her old equipment, her fingers itching for her gunblade.

"Light?"

She glanced at him and sighed. "It's been a long time since I slept through the entire night."

Snow's eyes softened at her declaration and he nodded. "Then you understand how hard it is. Serah doesn't. She thinks that these nightmares that I have are a result of me not letting the past go. And to a certain point, she's right. But how can I? How can I just forget that I lived five hundred years of anger… or solitude? Why is it so easy for others to just turn away and move forward? It used to be so easy for me."

Lightning sighed quietly and felt pity bubbling in her stomach. This man had been the epitome of hope and optimism. But he was different now and no amount of pleading from Serah for him to forget would change that. The ex-soldier knew firsthand how hard it was to be rid of the nightmares and PTSD.

"I _want_ to make her happy," he confessed. "But I don't think I remember how to. I'm no good for her like this."

Snow's gaze was earnest, pleading with her to understand that he needed to break that promise he had made long ago… to marry Serah and live his life with her… to never have her shed a tear.

"You'll break her heart," Light said quietly, staring at the steam coming from her cup.

"She should have more than what I am capable of giving her now."

Lightning nodded and sipped her drink, staring at him over the rim. He looked tired with the dark circles under his eyes, and his skin losing some of his healthy tan. Why hadn't she seen this in him before?

Oh, she had to remind herself that he was not her man to worry and watch over. Yet… Serah _had_ seen this change in him and had kept telling herself that he would return to normal soon, had told Lightning in almost those exact words. Lightning had nearly informed her sister that things were not usually as easy as 'getting over it,' but Lightning knew that Serah needed to figure it out on her own in order to make her relationship with Snow work.

"Tell me what to do," he sounded desperate.

Lightning blinked and let out a long breath. "I can't do that," she said, standing and placing her empty mug in the sink. Turning away from his earnest, saddened eyes. His despair did funny things to her heart, and she had long ago promised herself that she would never again cause her own sister sadness.

Snow came up behind her and placed his own mug next to hers, unbearably close to her. Feeling the heat of his body set her heart at a rapid pace, something she had thought long buried in her chest.

His hand shifted to squeeze her shoulder. "There's peace here. With you."

Lightning closed her eyes before gently shrugging off his touch and motioning to the living room. "You look like you need some rest. Go lay down and maybe afterward you'll feel better," she said, moving into the room to close the blinds so that the room could go dark.

Snow stared at the couch and then at her before nodding and offering her a wan smile. "Thanks, Light."

She watched in silence as he pulled off his coat and used it as a pillow as he settled down and closed his eyes.

"You'll be around, right?" he asked as he heard the quiet shift of her footsteps.

Snow could practically hear the smirk in her voice when she replied.

"I didn't know you needed a guardian."

A grin pulled at his lips. "No. An angel."

Lightning grunted. "Angel of death, eh Snow?"

The blond shook his head and cracked open one eye to settle his heavy gaze on her. "Angel of mercy."

She swallowed hard and stepped out of the living room and back into the kitchen to keep herself busy and not stand over him like some guardian of dreams.

She busied herself for the better part of an hour, sweeping and mopping the floor of the kitchen and her bedroom, dusting her scarce pieces of furniture, and finally she left the back of her home to pick out flowers to set on the table by the door. As she poured water into a faded vase she had found a few months back, she heard him. Glancing into the living room, she caught the tensing of his shoulders, and the dampness of his cheek from sweat, his large frame shuddering.

She wondered what it was that he saw in his nightmares and why they still had such a hold on him. But she thought she understood him on some level. After all, none of them had become l'Cie for a second time, nor had they been in that condition for over five hundred years. She couldn't even begin to understand what he had felt all of that time. Thinking himself alone and having given up on all hope at normalcy, on making it all end… and of being with the one he loved. Because, she had to keep telling herself, he couldn't have gotten over his love for Serah so easily.

Pulling off the gloves she had been using to avoid getting pricked by thorns, Lightning set them down and approached Snow cautiously. She only hesitated for a moment before sitting on the edge of her wide couch. She brushed her fingers over his hair, or what was still dry from sweat, and sighed at its silkiness.

"Snow."

He jerked at the sound of her voice before he rolled onto his back, breathing uneven as he stared at her. Lightning remained silent, waiting for him to say something to her, to maybe talk about his nightmare, he supposed. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't tell her that as of late, most of his dreams and nightmares involved _her._ He glanced away from her eyes and stared up at the ceiling as he wiped at his damp forehead. "I don't always remember what I dream. Sometimes I just dream of chaos," he muttered, which was only a half-truth.

Lightning frowned and reached up to squeeze his wrist in support… hugging him was just out of the question. "Snow, what you went through—"

Snow shook his head and rubbed a hand across his face. "I'd rather not talk about it right now."

Lightning nodded and released his hand, understanding that she really had no right to ask him to talk about his issues. Some time ago, she would've knocked him on his ass for asking her what she was thinking. But now things were different; she wanted to think that she had grown as a person, a friend, and especially as a sister.

A chill raced down her spine at the feel of his soft fingertips brushing the line of her jaw, feather light. Her eyes met his and held, the silence thickening between them until Snow slowly sat up. His position set him too close, and all she could see was the clear blue of his eyes, smell the earthy, masculine scent that was solely his…

Her brain had no business going there, she reasoned. Even when Snow was on the verge of breaking up with Serah, he was still off limits to her.

"We all went through so much. I guess… I can understand that some things are never going to be the same," she murmured, turning away from Snow's handsome frown.

"Then… you can understand that I don't feel like I'm the right person to make her happy anymore… right?"

Lightning let out a bitter laugh and shook her head. "You're asking for my permission to break up with her."

Snow shifted around so that he could place his feet on the floor and glanced at her sideways. "I didn't want this to happen. I dreamt so many times of marrying her, starting a family; it's what kept me alive the first half of our journey. But then… those five hundred years happened. And all of my dreams went down the drain."

She sighed and nodded. "I can't… I won't force you to remain unhappy, Snow. Despite what you may think, I consider you a good friend. Though my sister is always first for me, you come in at a close second."

Silence.

Lightning frowned and looked over at the blond, only to flush slightly at the sight of his honest smile. "What." Not even a question, just a flat demand.

Snow's smile widened as he ran a hand through his hair. "I never would've dreamed of hearing those words come from your lips."

"Well, don't get used to it."

Snow nodded and leaned over to her quickly before losing his nerve, planting a gentle kiss against her temple. "Thank you."

"I'll still hate you for breaking her heart."

Snow's smile faded and he nodded. "Not as much as I'll hate myself, Light."

With that, he stood from his seat and waved as he walked toward the door, shoulders set and his expression less clouded.

"Claire."

Snow stopped mid-step and turned to look at her as she stood, her eyes slightly narrowed. "What?"

"Everyone else calls me Claire. Why don't you?"

"You'll always be Light to me." His smile was cautious. "All through our journey, you were my guiding light in the darkness. And I guess, in a way, you still are."

Lightning felt her breath catch at his words but refused to show it. She _couldn't._ She couldn't feel anything for the man that was about to break her sister's heart, could she? No, no. When had she gone from being Lightning, a destructive force, to Light, one meant to guide?

"Snow… We—"

He shook his head and turned away. "I'll see you around," he said before leaving her home.

Lightning sat back down heavily and heaved a great sigh. Staring at the door he had just walked out of, she shook her head in disbelief. What had all of that been about? She could feel the guilt churning in her heart already, thinking of Serah's broken heart. With his parting words, he had pretty much confessed that she could do what her sister could not.

It sent a thrill down her spine as well as a churn of guilt in her stomach. Was it true that Serah would get over this heartbreak? Damn it, she should've talked Snow into fighting harder for his relationship with Serah... not give him her blessing to leave her.

She quickly stood and made for the window facing her front lawn. She caught sight of Snow removing his engagement necklace from around his neck, and then... he turned to look at her front door, a pensive look on his face.

Then he walked away.

Sighing quietly to herself, she stared at the image of herself and Serah sitting on the table by the door. Serah had proven to be strong, but still Lightning would be there to protect her. And if protecting her meant that she would need to keep her distance from Snow, then so be it.

Even if that meant turning her back to a kindred spirit. Someone who was still unclear on where he stood in this world, and who still waged a war for peace in his heart. Someone who would rather let go of a woman he had fought so hard for, instead of dragging her down with him.

_Stop. Stop. Stop._

No good would come of her having those kinds of thoughts about Snow. Too much admiration could turn into more and she couldn't betray her sister that way.

If only she could get her heart to be in sync with her head.

**Author's Note:**

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> **To be continued?**
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> Does this story make any sense at all?


End file.
